People make it seem so easy when they give you the advice–“They’re toxic. Leave them.”–but you seem never to have the strength and courage to do so. It’s commonly a repetitive pattern, too: breaking up and getting back together.
Let’s face it: letting go is hard. When people have gotten used to the company and idiosyncrasies of a person, it’s challenging to be away from them. There’s already been so much emotional investment that you wouldn’t want to go to waste.
However, when you feel like the relationship is not giving you room for personal growth or diminishes you as a person, it’s about time to do something good for yourself. Whether it’s a plain break up at a restaurant in Alberquerque or with divorce lawyers involved, removing yourself from a toxic relationship may be one of the best things you can do for your well-being.
Control: The Core of a Toxic Relationship
A relationship should work as a give-and-take relationship where two people can lift each other, bask in each other’s successes, and help each other grow. Unfortunately, this is not the goal of a toxic partner.
What they want is to mold the other person into a small box that keeps their lives convenient and comfortable, and this is at the expense of the other person’s good. They manipulate the other person into isolation and submission, like disallowing them to make certain friends or go out and pursue their careers.
This results in a depleted sense of self-worth and self-esteem. As a result, people in toxic relationships find it hard to leave.
The hope for change
Love, among other emotions, cloud your judgment–and that’s okay. You should be mindful, though, because the one thing manipulative people are good at is making sure they keep the other person on a leash.
When you’ve confronted them, and they feel like they’re losing their partner, they’ll play all the cards that will make them stay. They could woo the other person with a grand gesture or even apologize for the sake of keeping them.
On the other hand, they can resort to gaslighting. According to Sarah DiGuilio, gaslighting is “a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else…to question their reality, memory or perceptions.” As a result, the manipulated person takes all the blame.
As people hope for these patterns to stop, they sacrifice their well-being by staying in a toxic relationship. What used to be their strengths have been worn down to accommodate a toxic person in their lives. Their friends, family, and loved ones have been replaced by this one single person controlling their lives.
What it takes to let go
An enormous amount of strength.
This strength is not just to avoid the toxic person for the rest of their lives, but it’s also to regain one’s footing in life. It’s the strength to find their confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem again and build their lives as an individual.
The best thing about being free from a toxic person is the amount of room for personal growth. There’s a whole world waiting to be explored. New possibilities here and there are open, and nothing is stopping them anymore. There’s no more mold to contain who they are and what they can be.